How to navigate the dating scene
Women are often portrayed as very complex, unfathomable beings with nothing in the world that can please them. It’s not true. Sadly I think that that has been used for years as an excuse for failed relationships, a lack of trying and rejection. It really does not take a lot to date a woman and keep her happy provided you have that initial spark of chemistry in the first place. How many women have I dated? None. How many women do I know who I talk dating, sex and men with? Countless. Here’s some insider advice to help you strengthen your dating game.
- Send us a random small text
I can’t stress how many times I’ve been sent small texts that have put a huge smile on my face and made my day amazing. All it takes is a 10 second text message telling the girl you’re dating/your girlfriend that you’re thinking about her and you hope she’s having a good day. I still have screenshots from my past of texts that have been sent to me that made me smile like an idiot and sometimes shed a tear. It means more to us than you know.
- Pay small acts of attention
A lot of what makes women happy is attention. A lot of what makes men happy is attention. Letting your partner know you’re thinking about them is so crucial to a happy relationship. In addition to texts you can do things whilst your with your other half to let them know you’re thinking about them even when you’re not talking. Put a hand on her leg if you’re out for dinner with others just to let her know you’re thinking about her, hold her damn hand (just grab it already!), random kisses. You don’t have to eat face (girls who don’t love PDA and the general public don’t like that) but a little peck here and there.
- First impressions do matter but second impressions matter more
The first time I met my previous boyfriend I was wearing my pyjamas. It was 3am so I had an excuse obviously. The second time I was definitely prepared for our dinner and movie date (even if I did end up splashing tomato sauce on my dress – don’t order spaghetti on a date). My point is don’t overthink the first date. Just be yourself. They say you know if you’re interested in someone after just a few seconds of meeting them so chances are she’s made a decision about you in the first ten minutes. If you get a second date put in slightly more effort. She definitely will be doing because she knows she’s interested.
- Ask questions
I love to play this “game” with men I like usually within the first week of talking to them. I haven’t done it with every guy, only the one’s I see as becoming exclusive at some point. It’s basically 20Q. You ask a question, she asks you one. You both have to answer the question that was asked to you and the one you asked. Not only is being asked a bunch of random questions fun to answer but you also get to really know the other person in a fast way. This is great if you can’t see each other every day because you can do it by text. You can do this in person too but I personally haven’t ever done it outside texting.
- Don’t just talk about yourself
This ties into the previous one and why I love playing the game. You ask, she asks. I hate it when guys are like ‘Ask me things’ but don’t show an interest in knowing anything close to as much about me as they love having their ego inflated by talking about themselves. If you notice she hasn’t been able to get a word in in five minutes then it’s time for you to stop talking. Vice versa if she is dominating the conversation make sure you speak up too.
- Avoid ‘mansplaining’ things to her
I hate the term but it really is accurate. Mansplaining is when you tell a woman something in a very patronising way as though you have assumed she is already ignorant or innocent of the subject. This is something that can make me go from very interested in someone to completely dropping them. I’ve had an American man try to explain to me how politics in America works despite the fact I took American politics for two years. I also had a man tell me how to work a drone before I explained that I already knew because I own one. There are several other instances. You may never have ‘mansplained’ before and you may never do it. But before you start explaining something to us make sure we’re ignorant of what you’re attempting to clarify otherwise you sound like an ass and it’s clear you think we are stupid and yourself superior.
- Don’t talk about your exes too much or ask about ours
Some men feel the need to ask women about their exes, which is fine because it’s perfectly natural to be curious about your partner’s dating history. But don’t linger too much on it. If she does not ask questions about your previous girlfriends then don’t talk about your previous girlfriends. Personally, I don’t want to know your exes name or see her face. You can tell me why the relationship failed (so I know what to avoid – aka if you say it failed because you cheated I would bail on us, if it failed because she cheated I’d be more forgiving to you having trust issues), maybe tell me how long you were together. But other than that as long as they are in your past and remaining there I don’t need to hear about your exes. An obsessive curiosity about our exes is also weird. It’s cute when you get a little jealous and protective but there’s a line. Mentioning an ex or a guy friend frequently is boring and annoying. Comparison is the thief of all joy, remember?
- You don’t have to offer to pay, ever
I will always pay half unless I am forced or tricked into not doing so (the old sneaking to the bathroom but really you’re paying the tab trick). But there are some women who assume you are going to pay because you’re a man. Don’t. You aren’t obligated to pay for someone’s time/food/activity when you’re on a date. Especially if you’re around my age (21) you probably don’t have a heap of spare cash and the person you’re with should understand that. If you really want to take the cheque then do. But I think you should wait for her to offer to pay half. If she doesn’t offer to pay half then I would be asking myself why she hasn’t offered. In my opinion if a woman doesn’t offer to pay half then she’s a bit spoiled, selfish and probably feels entitled. Don’t forget that this will act as a precedent for all future dates. If you pay, she will expect it again and again. Don’t go down that path.
- Treat her right
If you get your girl small gifts she’ll repay the favour. Or she will if you’re dating a decent girl. For example, when I was living in L.A I didn’t have a car so my date had to drive us whenever we went out which was a lot. I got him a small bag of ‘joke’ gifts just to say thank you. I’m not too sure how much he loved the Bacon flavoured lip balm but it’s the thought that counts.
- Treat her right
Yup. I mean you need to treat (see 9) and eat your girl right. Sexual chemistry is not everything in a relationship. You can have OK sex and be madly in love, you can have amazing sex and not really care for a person. But if you’re having sex whilst dating make sure you aren’t being too selfish in the bedroom. Reciprocate. Try to last longer than a minute.
- Don’t play games
I don’t know why this is common in our generation but I really hate it. When I talk games I mean games to make the other person jealous just to test the relationship. Not the 20Q type fun game! Yes, I know men and women sad and insecure enough to attempt this. A lot of the time this happens after a break-up too when your ex/someone you’re no longer dating is posting indirects at you or posting pics of them with other guys/girls. Don’t rise to that level of high school pettiness. They’re acting out because they are hurt and want you to be jealous. They want a reaction. And if you’re the kind of person to do this: Don’t play with someone. They aren’t a toy, they are a human being and deserving of your respect. And even if you aren’t dating anymore they are still deserving of happiness without you in their lives and without you trying to taint it. Imagine someone playing with your best friend/sister/brother’s feelings/heart like that. Don’t.
- Show your girl off
This is a weird one and I regret to say that I absolutely love it. Every body on Earth loves having attention paid to them. Women are no exception. If you post a Snapchat with us we will love it. If you post an Instagram of us we will love it. There’s something about being publicly appreciated that warms our hearts. It’s nice to know that we are wanted and that you don’t mind if everyone else knows that we are yours and that you are ours.
And that is it for my segment on dating advice! It goes without saying that I’m a straight woman who identifies as female. I wrote this post with straight cis relationships in mind. I have no experience with any others and therefore am unqualified to give advice on them! The dating scene can be hard and ruthless. Especially in an age where we can go online and find another date on an app in less than five minutes. So best of luck & try to be one of the good ones – Lord only knows we need more of them both male and female!
I hope you all enjoyed the post. Are there any of these that you agree or disagree with? Would you add any? Do you find this post helpful?